


this is for the blond five tables down

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Erratic Updates, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, akaashi is on the brink of insanity, bokuto keeps embarassing everyone, kenma is a puppetmaster, kuroo is terrible at romance, self indulgent fluff, so tsukki and kenma are now gaming buddies, tsukki is a big tsundere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25252825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Listen up,” Akaashi suddenly spoke up, his voice deadly serious as he lifted up his notebook above his head. “I have a foolproof plan,”“As long as Kuroo’s a part of it, all you have is a fool,”orkuroo wants to impress a certain blond, five tables down. too bad he’s terrible at it, and if he’s terrible then his friends must be completely hopeless**it’s a good thing said blond has a thing for train wrecks
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 54
Kudos: 169





	1. college casual

**Author's Note:**

> ahaha don't take this fic seriously, it's really just a way for me to destress from my current wips. this'll be updated pretty irregularly but i actually have an ending for this so stick around for a bit :) have fun reading!

Although Bokuto seemed extremely enthusiastic about his story, the one that Kuroo has heard practically ten times, he just couldn’t seem to pay attention. Bokuto’s deep voice sounded muffled in his ears as he caught a glimpse of bright blond hair entering the cafeteria. His eyes followed the tall blond as he gracefully made his way to the table and delicately plucked the cookies onto his plate. Kuroo bit back a smile as he saw the way the boy relaxed as the heat from the hot chocolate flowed into his hand.

“Hey Kuroo! Kuroo!” Bokuto’s face suddenly appeared in front of him. Kuroo’s knee jerked and hit the tabe roughly, coaxing a loud groan of pain. Heads turned towards their table in surprise at the sound. He felt his ears grow red as a pair of golden eyes flickered in his direction. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that by some miracle he would disappear into thin air. He opened his eyes again to see the blond settling into a lone table, dispersing all of his study material around the table. Bokuto gave him a sheepish smile and waved to people who were staring. Kuroo glared at his friend and rubbed his shin before flipping him off. “That wasn’t my fault, you weren’t paying enough to me,”

“That’s because his attention was on a certain someone about five tables down,” Kenma mumbled as he mashed a button on his game. He smiled as the victory tone rang through and looked up to see Kuroo’s narrowed eyes.

“It was not,” Kuroo said indignantly as he crossed his arms around his chest. 

“Was too,”

“Was not,”

“Was too,”

“Was _not_ ,”

Bokuto and Kenma looked at each other exasperatedly before simultaneously flicking the middle of his forehead. Kuroo scowled and batted their hands away.

“You were staring so obviously,” Kenma rolled his eyes and pressed start on his game again. Kuroo blanched and opened his mouth to retort when he heard footsteps from behind him.

“Alright I’m here and I managed to snag some of those cookies from the table over there,” Akaashi smiled as he set down a paper plate. “I took all the good ones before anyone else could,”

“Nice Akaashi!” Bokuto beamed before immediately digging in. 

“What did I miss?” Akaashi said offhandedly as he nibbled the last chocolate chip cookie.

“Kuroo is still stalking that poor guy,” 

“It is not stalking! I’m admiring from a distance!” Kuroo rebutted instantly. His lips formed in a pout as he looked at the exhausted faces of his friends. 

“That’s something a stalker would say,” Bokuto sang as he munched on a snickerdoodle. 

“It’s almost amazing that he hasn’t caught on yet,”

“Maybe you should just try talking to him? He seems normal,” Akaashi suggested as he stole a glance of the blond. He was sitting by himself at a small table with a plate of cookies and a small mug of the complimentary hot cocoa. His shoulders were hunched as he diligently worked on his homework, his pencil flew across the page as he wildly scribbled. His eyebrows looked furrowed with frustration as he bit down on his lip. His signature white headphones were perched delicately on his head as he bobbed his head to the music. Akaashi looked at the blond with approval, “He seems like he needs some help anyways,”

“Yeah, yeah! You got this bro, go talk to that cutie,” Bokuto cheered him on, slightly shoving him off of his seat. 

Kuroo took a deep breath and looked at the amused faces of his friends. He ran his fingers through his hair and slapped his cheeks. Kuroo smoothed out his shirt, silently wishing that he hadn’t chosen one with so many wrinkles, and stood up. It wasn’t a terrible outfit to introduce yourself in, it was college casual. Kuroo looked down at his plain black shirt and hiked up his red sweatpants. 

“Alright, how do I look?” Kuroo asked as he patted down his hair again. Bokuto pretended to fan himself with his hand and swooned dramatically, draping himself over their sticky cafeteria table. Akaashi gave him a soft smile and a big thumbs up as an encouragement. Kenma managed to pry his eyes away from his game for a second before returning but Kuroo caught the content twinkle in his eyes when he looked at Kuroo. 

He tentatively stood up and took one step forwards before turning his head towards his friends. Bokuto, who was not one for subtlety, made a dramatic gesture of shooing him away while Akaashi shushed him. He gave them a queasy smile and turned back around. He didn’t even feel like he was moving; it was just one step after another until he found himself two tables down from the blond. He looked over his shoulder one more time and caught Akaashi’s commanding stare. He took another deep breath, his legs felt like jelly as he slowly made his way up. 

He looked up from the ground to see the blond still focused on his homework. His headphones were so loud that he hadn’t heard Kuroo arriving, barely noticing the dark shadow that covered his paper. Kuroo looked back at the table, his face contorted in a silent _what do I do now?!_ Only to get a meager shrug back. He turned back around only to meet two frigid eyes that looked as though they wanted nothing more than for him to turn around and leave. For a second, he almost complied. Instead he flashed what he hoped was a convincing grin, and not a shaky grimace. 

“H-hi,” Kuroo stuttered out. He immediately regretted opening his mouth. He felt the urge to dig a hole right there and slowly suffocate himself. Kuroo resisted the need to whack himself in the face. Instead he risked a look back down at the blond who had an annoyed yet amused smirk on his face.

“Hi,” The blond said, still studying Kuroo. He didn’t blame the blond for being wary or the way his eyes stayed glued to the top of his head. That day had been a particularly bad hair day and Kuroo wished he remembered that sooner before going up to him.

“I’m Kuroo, Kuroo Tetsurou,” He recovered with another smile. He felt his heart leap when he saw the way the corner of the blond’s mouth quirk upwards stealthily. 

“I know who you are,” His golden eyes matched his with an impish delight. Kuroo’s grin widened exponentially and he rocked back and forth on his feet. Then the blond opened his mouth again, “You’re the guy who was moaning earlier,”

All of a sudden Kuroo’s smile felt way too tight and he felt the back of his neck grow searing hot. His lips parted to say something but no sound came out. He just stood there with his mouth gaping open and close like a fish. The blond snickered and went back to his homework without a second glance. Kuroo fiddled with his jacket hem for a couple more seconds before turning on his heel. 

“Wait Kuroo,” He stopped mid step and twisted his torso. The blond teasingly took a bite of his cookie, his pink tongue darted over his lips to catch the crumbs. Kuroo’s mouth ran dry and he kept staring until he realized that the blond had more to say. “Your fly is down,”

Kuroo had to stop himself from sprinting all the way back to his table, ignoring the cackle from the blond that should’ve been way too cruel to be cute. He dove to his seat and shifted his body so he wouldn’t be in the blond’s eye line. He avoided the questioning gaze from Akaashi and instead moped to Bokuto.

“Well, you lasted pretty long up these, better than last time,” Bokuto tried to cheer him up, only causing Kuroo to whine louder.

“He looked like he was smiling, or about to,” Akaashi supplied as he sipped his water. Bokuto stuck his tongue out at him and patted Kuroo’s arm comfortingly.

“He called me the moaning guy,” Kuroo wailed in despair, being sure to keep his voice low enough so it wouldn’t attract more attention. 

“Yikes…” Bokuto cringed as he looked behind him. 

“Don’t look,” Kuroo hissed but it was already too late. Bokuto was already fully turned around. Whatever expression that his face had only seemed to make things worse. The tips of Kuroo’s ears flushed a crimson red as the loud sound of the blond’s laughter reached the table.

“How hard could it have been to talk to Tsukishima?” Kenma sighed as he finally pocketed his device.

“Extremely, his eyes are terrifying. It’s like he was sucking out all my secrets with his glare,” Kuroo said dramatically, his hands lightly slamming against the table. He suddenly stopped and narrowed his eyes at Kenma. “How did you know his name?”

“Oh he’s in my art class,” 

“You’ve known who he is the whole time?” Kuroo exclaimed. His head swiveled as he looked back at the blond. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw those headphones back over his ears.

"Just goes to show how merciful I can be,"

“Wait, can we just celebrate the fact that Kenma willingly made a friend?” Bokuto interjected as he shook Kenma’s shoulders. Kenma pushed his hands off and blew the hair away from his bangs with a huff. 

“No, because Kenma,” Kuroo shot him a glare, “Has been torturing the friend he already made,”

“He’s Shouyou’s friend. I say friend lightly because I don’t actually think that Tsukishima likes him,” Kenma said as he ignored Kuroo’s pouting.

“Wait there’s actually someone on this planet that doesn’t like Shrimpy?” Bokuto wondered incredulously. He looked at Akaashi who simply shrugged and shook his head. 

“I don’t think he doesn’t like him, but I don’t think that he does like him,” Kenma said carefully. All three boys looked at each other in confusion. Kenma groaned as he saw the look on their faces and stole a cookie from Bokuto’s hands. 

“Oh! He’s a tsundere!” Bokuto shouted. This time his voice echoed throughout the whole cafeteria, heads snapped in their direction once more. Akaashi pulled him down and gestured an apology to the onlookers. Bokuto gave him an embarrassed grin and looked back at Tsukishima’s table only to find it empty.

“Pretty much? I know that he likes to tease and rile people up, maybe that’s all he was doing,” Kenma said as he plucked the nuts out of the dough.

“Kenma,” Kuroo suddenly spoke up, his voice was low as his face contorted into a serious expression, “Give me Shrimpy’s number,”

“No way! You’ll scare him off again and you’ll do something weird,” 

“Please?!”

“No! Just be a normal person and talk to him here,”

“Kenma...” Kuroo drew out the last letter while batting his eyelashes at him.

“No, just go up to him,”

“I can’t!”

“Why not?!”

“Because...he saw me with my fly down,”

“...What?”

“It was so embarrassing! He called me back and I turned around and he just saw _it_ ,”

“Just now?”

“No, like a couple of minutes ago, you saw me leave,”

“You mean right now, in the outfit you have right now, in present time?”

“What do you not understand about right now?”

“Kuroo you’re wearing sweatpants,”


	2. shark in the water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah thank you for all the support on the first chapter! i really enjoyed everyone's comments and interacting with everyone :) 
> 
> anyways i hope you enjoy! <3

“Kenma, Kenma, Kenma!” Kuroo waved his hands in front of his friend’s face, “Kenma!”

“I will cut your hand off, I am one quest away from getting this exclusive chestplate,” 

“Well I am one number away from getting into an exclusive relationship, gimme it,” Kuroo whined as he slammed himself onto Kenma’s bed. Kenma’s hands tightened around his phone as he bounced up and down before giving him a stern look and going back to his game. 

“You’re so lucky that the boss got nerfed when the season started,” Kenma clicked his tongue and hit the screen one last time before the quiet fanfare resounded through the room.

“Am I allowed to talk now my darling?” Kuroo said in a mocking tone. He laughed as he dodged a pillow and tackled the smaller boy. The bed creaked under their weights as they scuffled around. Kuroo let out a triumphant shout as he ended up on top, pinning Kenma down by sitting on him. Kuroo’s eyes gleamed mischievously as he slowly raised his hands, wiggling his fingers threatenly in front of his face

“Don’t you dare, I will never forgive you!” Kenma warned as Kuroo’s smirk widened. Kenma squirmed and bucked his hips to try and knock him off in vain. Kenma yelped as Kuroo’s fingers dug itself into his sides. His face burned red as he tried to bite back his laughs, a couple of gasps escaped as he tried to catch his breath. Kenma pushed Kuroo’s shoulders again, knocking Kuroo off, but not before Kuroo did a last ditch effort and dug his fingers right by his ribs. 

Kuroo cackled as Kenma let out one of the ugliest snorts he’d ever heard and slapped his hand over his mouth. Kenma lightly shoved Kuroo away with his foot and crawled to the far side of the bed. 

“Aw, don’t be like that,” Kuroo pouted as he tried to get closer. Kenma waved one of his fake swords in front of him, keeping the tip trained on Kuroo’s Adam's apple.

“I hate you,”

“No you don’t,”

“I wish that you had gone one house down when you decided to waddle up to my doorstep,”

“Well if you just give me Shrimpy’s phone numbe―”

“Fuck off!” Kenma scowled.

“I’m trying too!” Kuroo retorted childishly. Kenma huffed and crossed his arms, all too familiar with Kuroo’s stubborn nature.

“Just give him a little Kuroo charm,” Kenma threw up his hands in exasperation.

“Kuroo...charm?”

“Yes! The one that you use on literally everyone else,”

“Kuroo charm? Me? _I_ am the Kuroo in Kuroo charm?”

“Unfortunately you are the only Kuroo I know,”

“Charm, Kuroo charm, the charm that I currently have. Me, Kuroo, I have charm,”

“Not anymore you don’t,”

“Well give me an example, I’m flailing here!” 

“Maybe, give him a compliment? I mean he’s a tsundere though so he probably won’t like that?”

“You aren’t very good at this,”

“Don’t ask me for help if you don’t wanna take it,”

“Well maybe I would take it if you would give me good advice,”

“Once again, _fuck off_ ,”

-

“Shut up Akaashi, this is going to work,” Bokuto hissed at the brunette sitting next to him. Akaashi rolled his eyes and looked to Kenma for help but Kenma couldn’t look him in the eye. Kuroo looked at Kenma expectantly as Kenma shrugged sheepishly.

“You did not,” Akaashi leaned closer to Kenma, his lips curled in disapproval.

“It wouldn’t be the worst…” Kenma trailed off as he looked at Kuroo. Kuroo smiled and nodded frantically in agreement. “I mean, Tsukishima wouldn’t hate it...I think,”

“That’s coming from Kenma so it has to be right!” Bokuto piped up, roughly patting Kenma’s back. 

“Alright, I think I can do it,” Kuroo hyped himself up. He looked at the trio of boys and waited. “Ahem,”

“Oh! You look so good today,” Bokuto chirped. His hand slipped under the table and discreetly pinched Akaashi's elbow.

Akaashi yelped and scowled at Bokuto as he massaged his arm. He looked at Kuroo and sighed, silently regretting going along with their plan. “So, so handsome! Boyfriend material,”

“You’re being dramatic, just go already,” Kenma shooed him off. Kuroo smiled and ruffled his hair. 

“Alright, check me first though,” Kuroo slowly spun around.

“Hair is as good as it’ll get,” Kenma said.

“Perfect outfit, tasteful but casual! No stain, great color scheme!” Bokuto gave him a thumbs up.

“Wait, check this,” Kuroo pointed at his zipper.

“All zipped up,” Bokuto confirmed.

“Are you sure?” Kuroo subtly thrusted his hips towards Bokuto.

“Yep! Wait, actually hold on, come here real quick,” Kuroo’s rubber soled shoes squeaked against the floor as he took a tiny step forward. Bokuto leaned down to look at his zipper, making sure that there was no gap that Tsukishima could take advantage of. Bokuto's face was five inches away from Kuroo's groin as he agressively examined it. Kenma stared blankly at the two boys, wondering how it was possible for them to survive with a single braincell. “You’re good! Go get’em tiger!”

Kuroo gave a small salute and walked away. This time Kuroo planned out the entire situation down to the tiniest detail. He fiddled with his fingers as he found himself two tables down from Tsukishima. He looked as regal as ever; well as regal as a tired college student could be in the middle of finals.

The blond wore a beige baggy sweater with a crisp white turtleneck underneath with the excess fabric gently french tucked. Those white headphones were still glued onto his head, as if Kuroo didn’t need a more blatant symbol that Tsukishima didn’t want to talk.

He slowed his steps but still kept his distance as he neared the table. He turned his head to get Tsukshima’s attention but something caught the light that made him curious. He held up a hand and squinted slightly as he tried to look natural around the wall. There, lying on the blond’s earlobe, was a dangly piercing in the shape of a tiny sword.

Kuroo’s mouth gaped open as he stared for a second before a student knocked shoulders with him. He wiped away a tiny droplet of drool and apologized before looking back at Tsukishima. He smiled and took a deep breath.

“Nope,” He picked up his pace as he passed by the table and walked around the perimeter of the room until he landed back at his table. 

“What was that?!” Bokuto exclaimed as Kuroo slammed his head down loudly. 

“I’m dead, I’ve literally ascended,” Kuroo’s voice sounded muffled as he talked into the table. 

“You just stood there staring at him, the point was to talk to him,” Akaashi whispered to him, avoiding the stares from the other tables. Kuroo raised his face and gave him a somber smile.

“I’m too weak, you do it,”

“You’re a moron, what made you turn around?” Akaashi deadpanned as he shoved Kuroo’s shoulder. 

“Look at how good he looks today,” Kuroo discreetly pointed to Tsukishima who was busy humming to his music and writing something again. Tsukishima must’ve felt their eyes on him because he frowned and looked up. The four of them immediately ducked down, which was very hard considering their heights. Their heads hung low as they avoided looking in Tsukishima’s direction so the blond wouldn’t be suspicious. Once Kuroo gave them a signal, they drew back up to their full height. 

“Okay don’t be obvious when you look,” Kuroo said, trying not to move his lips too much in case anyone was watching. 

“Let’s take turns,” Bokuto whispered as everyone nodded in agreement. “Okay when I say go, Kaashi and I will look and Kuroo and Kenma will...look at that wall over there,”

“Why am I looking?”

“Why are we looking at a wall?”

“I’ll see him at class later, do I have to follow this?”

“I am the operation leader, you will do what I say,” Bokuto said with an extremely fake smile. “Go,”

“Wow, that’s a nice outfit actually,” Akaashi nodded, “I wanna ask him where he got that sweater,”

“No way, you have to ask about the jeans, it makes his legs look really long and his ass looks great,” Bokuto disagreed.

“I wanna look now,” Kuroo drummed his finger against the table impatiently, “There’s not even a poster on this wall, it makes no sense for me to be looking at it,”

“Oh did he say go?” Kenma looked up from his phone. Bokuto frowned at Kenma and gently whacked his phone. Kenma gasped as he saw his screen light up a bright red, shortly followed by a discordant symphony of notes. “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now,”

“Because...I’m sorry?”

Kenma chuckled mirthlessly as his voice dropped to a growl, “Not. Good. Enough.”

“Because if you kill me then you’ll have to deal with Operation Hot Blonde...and I’ll buy you any game you want!” Bokuto added on a little too quickly. 

“Stupid, you should’ve just left it at the first part,” Kenma snorted as he retrieved his phone and reset the level. 

“Can someone say go now?” Kuroo asked again. Bokuto smiled apologetically before turning his head about “subtly” to look at Tsukishima.

“Go,” Their heads simultaneously turned. Akaashi and Bokuto stared at the wall while Kuroo prodded Kenma’s cheeks until he paid attention. “This wall really is boring,”

“Go,” Their heads shifted again. This time it led to an argument about where Tsukishima shopped, Kenma only shushed Bokuto and Akaashi once their voices started to get louder. “I swear it’s UNIQLO,”

“No Bokuto, I swear it’s GU,”

“Can someone say―”

“Go!” 

The cycle continued for a couple more minutes, usually followed by tiny discussions surfacing about what Tsukishima’s clothes meant personality wise. At some point it got heated again and Akaashi had to take a step back from his adamant position and quiet everyone. Kuroo sighed and was so lost in thought he let a comment slip from his mouth.

“If you like this, you should go up there and see his piercing,” Bokuto and Akaashi froze while Kenma paused his game. 

“He has a what?” They said bewildered.

“A piercing,” Kuroo repeated himself, slightly surprised at their reaction. “Why do you guys think I was stuck there for like a minute? Wait, Kenma, why are you surprised?”

“I’ve never noticed it before,” Kenma put down his phone and carefully flickered his eyes over to the blond. Now Tsukishima’s table was cleared of all his things, save for his own green mug. The blond sat there, peacefully under the warm sunlight, languidly scrolling on his phone.

“I’m going to do a little recon,” Bokuto whispered as he started to get up. Akaashi put his hand on Bokuto’s arm, making him pause. 

“...I’m next,” Bokuto and Kenma nodded in agreement, Akaashi took away his hand and gestured for him to go. 

They watched in embarrassment as Bokuto tried to blend into the flowing stream of students trying to get food.

“Don’t tell me he’s doing the thing,” Kuroo closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Okay, he’s not doing it,” Kenma replied, his voice as emotionless as ever. Kuroo opened his eyes and wanted to melt into the earth. Bokuto was hunched over, trying and failing to hide his huge body behind a group of scrawny kids. He walked on his tip toes as he dashed between tables and walls.

Bokuto turned around and flashed them a determined smile, turning away so fast that he didn’t see the stony faced expressions the trio had. Bokuto hid three tables away and quickly pulled on his shoelace. He walked “normally” down the narrow walkway. Normal being subjective, it was more of like when someone mentioned walking and then everyone suddenly forgets how to walk. 

He whistled as he slowly made his way up until he was directly parallel to the table. 

“Oops! My shoelace is untied!” Bokuto said loudly before turning around and giving the group an O.K. signal. 

“I regret everything,” Kuroo pounded his head against the table. 

Bokuto kneeled down and tied his shoelace slowly. He rose up and placed a foot forward before whipping his head around in Tsukishima’s direction. His eyes glimmered as he saw the way that the piercing gently swayed. He quickly turned around and circled back to the table. 

“Dude, nice!” Bokuto whispered loudly as he sat back down in his seat. He raised his hand enthusiastically for a high five which Kuroo reluctantly shared. “Kaashi, it’s adorable I swear,”

“Alright, I’m up,” Akaashi dug through his pencil bag to grab a black ball point pen and hid it up his sleeve. He winked at Kuroo as he stood up, “Wish me luck,”

“I hate you so much,” Kuroo called out to his retreating back. He looked at Bokuto in curiosity, “What is he planning?”

“I have no idea,” Bokuto watched in awe. 

Akaashi gracefully made his way down the path, each stride was filled with confidence as he closed the distance. The crowd literally parted around him as if they could feel his intention. He gently pushed his hair out of his face and gave a secret thumbs up behind his back to the table. Akaashi sauntered up to the table and stopped a few feet to the left before ducking underneath the table and come back up.

“Why did he stop?” Kuroo wondered aloud. He shushed everyone and strained his ears to hear their conversation. He watched Akaashi approach the blond with a smile, pen in hand. Kuroo bit his tongue as Tsukishima turned a light pink.

“Is this yours?” Akaashi’s soft voice just barely managed to be heard. Kuroo leaned a little farther from the table, not catching anything that Tsukishima was saying. He heard Akaashi’s delicate laughter float over all the noise as Tsukishima hid his mouth with his hand, his nose wrinkled ever so slightly.

“I hate pretty boys,” Kuroo said enviously as Akaashi relaxed into the seat to talk more. He bit back another complaint as Tsukishima leaned forward. His face was still guarded but his body language exuded interest as he traced the top of his mug. He watched Tsukishima’s pink lips contort in a familiar smirk and braced himself. Kuroo watched Akaashi’s spine suddenly go rigid and his cheeks turned a bright red. Tsukishima’s cruel laughter rang out again as he threw his head back in amusement. 

Akaashi quickly stood up and bowed to Tsukishima, slightly tripping over his feet as he escaped. Kuroo watched Akaashi approach and risked one last glance at Tsukishima who was already back on his phone.

“Oh my god, oh my _god_!” Akaashi’s face was clean from all emotion, but his hands were shaking as he gripped the table. 

“It looked like it was going well,” Bokuto gestured for him to spill about what just happened. 

“The piercing is very cute,” Akaashi started, “He’s actually kind of funny, in like a Kenma way…and he got it from UNIQLO,”

“Oh my god, I’m going to pass out,” Kuroo mumbled as he stared at his hands.

“Wait the pants or the sweater? because I actually want the pants,” Bokuto said as he fished his phone out of his pocket.

“Bo, literally shut up, what did you say?” Kuroo watched as Akaashi flushed to an even darker red.

“He said…” Akaashi’s voice trailed off, mumbling the rest of his sentence. 

“What? Kaashi, we can’t hear you,” Bokuto frowned, trying to get closer.

“He said…” Akaashi did it again, turning his head away so his voice was lost among the noise.

“Kaashi, you’re murdering Kuroo,” Bokuto grabbed his forearm, trying to twist his body.

“Hey guy―” Kenma started, his voice suddenly small.

“Kenma, this is serious,” Bokuto interrupted, not even sparing the younger boy a glance, “We need Akaashi to tell us,”

“Yes, that’s what a good friend would do,” Kuroo nodded as he leaned across the table to pull Akaashi’s face back. 

“Yeah I know but guys, you should kno―” 

“Kenma, this is not the time for one of your principled stands. I am a desperate man and I need to know what he said,” Kuroo grunted as he pulled Akaashi’s arms again. 

“Well if you wanted to know what I said you should’ve just come up to me,” A sly voice cut through. All three boys froze in their stances before looking up to see Tsukishima towering over all of them. Tsukishima smirked as he looked at all of their horrified expressions and slowly walked his way over to where Akaashi sat.

“I think you left this behind,” Tsukishima held out the pen that Akaashi used earlier, “I would’ve thought it was mine but I never use ballpoint and I don’t think these bite marks match my teeth,”

“R-right…” Akaashi’s voice sounded distant as he tentatively took the pen back. 

“Owl-san, I think you should know that tying your shoelaces was a great attempt but you probably shouldn’t have started it with yelling about it, maybe next time just do it? And maybe don’t turn your head so fast, I’m afraid that the centrifugal force might cause it to fly off and hit another student,” 

“He said that it was a great attempt,” Bokuto whispered to Kuroo before looking at Tsukishima again and grinning widely, “Great advice, I’ll be using that next time,”

Kuroo gulped as Tsukishima’s dangerous eyes washed over him.

“Ah Moan Guy, maybe next time, don’t have your friend stare at your crotch for a minute while you ogle me. I’m proud of you though, at least this time you remembered you actually have a zipper and it has been zipped up,” 

Kuroo nodded furiously, just barely registering the words while Tsukishima turned his attention towards Kenma.

“Kenma-san maybe next time control your two guard dogs, I don’t think I appreciate being circled like a shark. On second thought, never mind, it may be the first time they’ve seen an intelligent life form besides you two," Tsukishima turned towards Kuroo and gently brushed away a strand sticking to his cheek. "It's too bad that you got all the looks and no brains,"

"So you think I'm handsome?" Kuroo tried to play it off cool. The table went silent for a second before it registered in his brain that he didn't form a single word. It was all a garbled mess that sounded like he just gargled water. Tsukishima stared blankly at him while Akaashi, Bokuto, and Kenma face palmed and kicked him underneath the table.

"I have no idea what the _fuck_ that was..." Tsukishima laughed before turning to the rest of the group, "Akaashi-san, it was nice talking to you, I hope you come by more. Kenma-san, see you at art class,” Tsukishima bowed and turned away from the table. They watched, entranced by the sway of his hips. He glanced over his shoulder one last time with a smirk and a lazy peace sign before turning the corner and disappearing. 

“Holy shit,” Bokuto breathed, breaking the silence. 

“I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life,” Akaashi covered his face with his hands, failing to hide how red his face was. 

“You’re embarrassed? I still have a whole semester with the guy. I don’t think I can look him in the eyes ever again,” Kenma hissed as he pulled his hoodie over his head and tightened the strings. Everyone looked back at Kuroo who was still staring at the place where Tsukishima left. 

“Hey, it’ll be ok―” Bokuto tried to say but Kuroo held up a hand to stop. Bokuto bit his lip as Kuroo turned his head away.

“Did you hear what he said?”

“We know, we’re sor―” Akaashi started but was immediately silenced by Kuroo’s finger against his lips, slightly missing at first as he dragged his finger around the boy’s face.

“Do you know what that means?” 

“No?” 

Kuroo slowly turned back at his friends. His teeth glinted under the sunlight as his lips curved in a mischievous smirk. 

“It means...he was totally staring at my dick!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading until the end! i love embarrassing everyone ;) don't hesitate to comment, i love hearing what you guys think or any suggestions! <3
> 
> see you on the next update!


	3. sometimes science makes sense

“Oh this is going to work so well,” Akaashi muttered under his breath as he tugged on Kuroo and Bokuto’s sleeves to get their attention. Kuroo practically leapt out of his seat to get closer to the younger boy.

“Akaashi, how did they manage to brainwash you?” Kenma groaned into his hands, scrubbing his face in frustration. Akaashi narrowed his eyes at the shorter boy. His eyes filled with fire as he tapped his pen against the table rapidly.

“This is a matter of pride, I will get Kuroo a date if it kills me,” Akaashi said adamantly before scribbling back into his notebook. 

“What he said,” Bokuto agreed while Kuroo nodded his head frantically. Kenma tossed a pillow at the three boys on the floor, earning a yelp from them.

“So why do we have to do it in my room?” Kenma complained as he flopped onto his back, bouncing against the mattress.

“Because if we didn’t, you wouldn’t come scheme with us,” Kuroo sang as he twirled a pencil around his fingers.

“I still don’t understand why we even need a scheme, all you have to do is introduce yourself,”

“I already tried th―”

“Try it without doing something weird a few minutes before you go up to him,” 

“How was I supposed to know that he saw?” Kuroo threw his hands up in the air.

“You were in a public area and you were staring the whole time! How could he not?!” 

“Listen up,” Akaashi suddenly spoke up, his voice deadly serious as he lifted up his notebook above his head. “I have a foolproof plan,”

“As long as Kuroo’s a part of it, all you have is a fool,” Kenma snickered as he dodged Kuroo’s hands. Kuroo stuck his tongue out at his friends in mock anger and pretended to throw a tantrum, tossing various items at the smaller boy.

Akaashi cleared his throat again, getting their attention and pointing to his journal exasperatedly. Kuroo sighed dramatically before shoving Bokuto’s face into a pillow and leaned over to look at Akaashi’s scrawlings, ignoring the loud squawking from behind him. 

“Your handwriting is shitty,” Kuroo muttered under his breath.

“I will make you eat this paper,”

-

“I don’t know about this plan anymore…” Kuroo mumbled as he fiddled with his hoodie strings. Bokuto’s eyes widened and pushed a finger to his lips but Akaashi had already heard. Kuroo immediately jumped back from the brunette’s intense stare.

“We all heard it from him, as far as we know, Kenma and I have the best chance of sitting there,” Akaashi reminded them exasperatedly. He narrowed his eyes at Kuroo, challenging him to say something against him. Kuroo’s mouth opened for a second, ready to argue, but one more look at Akaashi wavered his resolve. 

“Fine,” Kuroo pouted before muttering under his breath, “I swear to god, if you end up seducing him,”

“What was that?” Akaashi asked, fiddling with the settings on his phone. His eyes glanced over at Kuroo as he pushed his airpods towards the older boy.

“Nothing,” Kuroo said immediately, throwing his hands up in surrender. Kuroo scowled at the victorious expression on Akaashi’s face before turning to Akaashi’s phone. The former setter continued to fix his settings around, making sure that the bluetooth functioned perfectly. A short tutorial played out on Kenma's phone while they waited.

“Welcome back to my channel, today I will be showing you guys how to spy on people using only your airpods and your phone,” An overly peppy voice shouted through the speakers. Kenma looked up at the boys surrounding him. Their faces were set in such fierce determination, almost reminiscent of the way they looked when they played volleyball. He almost burst out laughing with how seriously they seemed to be taking this task.

“Never cross Akaashi,” Kenma silently noted as he watched Akaashi’s lip contort into a feral grin. Akaashi handed over the airpods to Bokuto and Kuroo before turning his attention to the tutorial.

“Do you, Brokuto, take me Kubro as your unlawfully unwedded bro?” Kuroo asked as he held one of the airpods towards the older boy, mockingly swiping a tear away from his eye. Bokuto’s face was completely serious as he grabbed both of Kuroo’s hands, caressing it playfully.

“I do,” He whispered dramatically, his lips twisting into a playful smirk. Kuroo unlinked their hands and placed the airpod in his ear, at least he tried to. Kuroo frowned and moved his hair aside before pushing it inside, a little harder than he honestly should have.

“Dude! That hurts!” Bokuto hissed as he pulled away, holding his hand over his ear. 

“Not my fault you have tiny ear holes,” Kuroo shot back before immediately clamping his hand over his mouth.

“Dude...you _know_ I’m self conscious about that,” Bokuto gasped as he took out the air pod. Akaashi looked up from his phone to see the both of them still not ready.

“You guys, just hurry up or Tsukishima will leave soon,”

“Akaashi! Have some sympathy,” Bokuto whined as he threw an arm around Akaashi’s shoulder, pulling close against his chest. Akaashi’s face immediately turned red and sputtered nonsense as he quickly untangled himself. The three boys gave him a weird look as he hid his faces in his hands, waiting for him to calm down.

“Just put it on so we can start the plan,” Akaashi said through his fingers. Kuroo and Bokuto quickly stuffed in their ears, giving Akaashi a thumbs up to begin. 

“Use the codenames,” Bokuto hissed as Akaashi and Kenma made their way towards the table. They watched as Akaashi’s shoulder visually slumped and held the phone’s mic up to his mouth.

“This is...Barn Owl and Calico―”

“Don’t call me that,” Kenma frowned. 

“If I have to, you have to,” Akaashi reprimanded before putting the phone back up. “Barn Owl and Calico, heading into the Crow’s Nest...over,” He added on hesitantly, continuing his trek. From afar, Kuroo and Bokuto were trying to feign normalcy and not stare at the duo.

“Those code names are so bad―” 

“Good,” Bokuto and Kuroo whipped their heads at each other and narrowed their eyes. 

“Bad,” Kuroo said slowly, a hint of suspicion in his voice.

“Good,” Bokuto repeated, jutting his chin out. Before they could continue, a tiny voice filtered through the airpods.

“Hey Tsukishima-san, can we join you today?” Kenma asked, his voice tinged with boredom. Bokuto and Kuroo froze and forced themselves to not react as they listened to the conversation.

“I don’t mind...not to sound rude but why?” Tsukishima’s low voice rumbled before the sounds of his papers rustling filled their ears.

“He sounds like an angel,” Kuroo sighed wistfully as he drew swirls on his paper. 

“You invited me earlier, I thought it would be rude if I didn’t take you up on the offer?” Akaashi said slyly as he sat down. He cleared his throat and forced Kenma to sit with him.

“So…” Akaashi drew out the vowel as he looked at Tsukshima’s papers. Tsukishima quirked an eyebrow at him, slight annoyance clear on his face. “What’s a guy like you study in a place like this?”

“Oh god, he’s panicking,” Bokuto whispered to Kuroo. Kuroo’s eyes widened and stole glances at the brunette. Akaashi’s body was way too rigid to be considered casual and the blush on his neck could be seen from five tables down. Kuroo covered his face into his hands but didn’t do anything that would jeopardize their “mission”.

“Paleontology,” Tsukishima answered as he waved a paper at him. Akaashi nodded and placed his phone on the table, a little closer to Tsukishima. 

“Wow, you must really like history then,” Akaashi said as he leaned over to look at the paper. He immediately grimaced at what the blond was looking at, “Carbon-dating?”

“Yeah, it’s some science thing,” Tsukishima sighed as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. Akaashi nudged the phone closer to Tsukishima while sharing a knowing look with Kenma.

“So does that mean you like science?” Akaashi asked innocently.

“It’s okay,” Tsukishima shrugged, “I could be doing a lot better, that’s for sure,”

“Ask him if he needs a science tutor, ask him if he needs a science tutor,” Kuroo chanted under his breath as he wrung his hands. Bokuto immediately joined his chant, albeit a lot louder than Kuroo’s murmuring. 

“Does that mean you need a science tutor?” Akaashi’s voice crackled through the air pods.

“Yes!” Kuroo shouted as he leapt up from his table. The whole cafeteria went quiet as they stared at him.

“Get down,” Bokuto hissed as he awkwardly laughed at the crowd. Bokuto waved at the table to his left, eliciting a string of whispers from the table.

“I can’t,” Kuroo said as he tried not to move his lips too much. His eyes were completely locked in on Tsukishima who seemed to make it a personal challenge of staring straight back. Kuroo’s body was still frozen in that stupid fist pump pose before Bokuto grabbed onto his sleeve and yanked him down. 

Akaashi quickly recovered from his shock, “Um, he was waiting for the results of a very important test,”

“Yup, STD test, all clean apparently,” Kenma snorted from behind his phone. Tsukishima’s lips parted in surprise before quickly schooling it into his usual neutral face. Kuroo and Bokuto’s faces were exact replicas of each other, their eyes were so wide, it might burst out of their sockets. Akaashi immediately burned red and sputtered out nonsense. 

“That’s not true!” Akaashi blurted out, waving his hands around frantically. He hit the backside of Kenma’s head, earning an unapologetic look from the shorter boy.

“Listen I’m not judging, it’s completely normal and it shouldn’t be a taboo subject. The stigma behind STD’s needs to be spoken about more, it’s important to understand all perspectiv―” Tsukishima was immediately cut off by Akaashi accidentally kicking his shin. He yelped and rubbed his shin. Akaashi gave him an apologetic smile and rubbed the back of his neck. 

“No,” Akaashi cleared his throat and gave Tsukishima a weak smile.

“Really, I couldn’t care less,” Tsukishima insisted as he glanced at Kuroo. Kuroo saw him looking and yelped as he hid behind his magazine. Bokuto noticed Tsukishima looking over at them and immediately flung his arm out in a protective manner, shielding Kuroo from Tsukishima’s view. Tsukishima rolled his eyes and got up from his seat.

“Where are you going?” Akaashi asked as he quickly jumped up from his seat. Kenma tore his eyes away from his screen, mildly panicking at Tsukishima’s retreating figure. Kuroo pressed his forehead to the table and squeezed his eyes shut, ignoring the sound of footsteps approaching. 

“Hey,” Tsukishima stopped aout two feet away from the table. “If it’s anything to you, I’m happy for you,” Bokuto couldn’t hold back his laughter as Kuroo’s face crumpled. 

“Thanks,” Kuroo smiled weakly as he quickly started packing up his items. “I think I will be leaving...this earth...indefinitely,”

“Hey is that from Professor Takeda’s lab?” Tsukishima swiped a paper away from him. Kuroo blinked in surprise before rubbing the back of his neck.

“Um yeah,” Kuroo said sheepishly, “I’m pretty good at the whole science thing,”

“ _Pretty_ good? I’ve been trying to get into his lab since I got here,” Tsukishima snorted as he looked over Kuroo’s writing, “You’re surprisingly neat,”

“It’s probably the only thing Kuroo can do right!” Bokuto piped up. Kuroo narrowed his eyes at him but couldn’t do much else before Bokuto slapped him on the back harshly. 

“If you want,” Kuroo cleared his throat, “I can help you out? Not that you don’t look like you can’t handle it! I mean you seem like a very smart person you know, because of your glasses and you get this glint in your eyes whenever you think really har―”

“Sure,” Kuroo blinked and looked at Tsukishima.

“Sure?”

“I’m not going to repeat myself,” Tsukishima said as he swiftly turned around. Kuroo sat in his seat for a little bit, watching Tsukishima’s hips sway as he made his way back. Bokuto pushed him away, urging him to follow as he wiggled his eyebrows. 

Akaashi and Kenma gave him secretive thumbs up as they passed him. Kuroo gave them a high five and passed Akaashi his air pod back. Kuroo had a goofy smile on his face as he turned back and mouthed thank you to the group. 

“So what are we working on?” Kuroo rubbed his hands together as he leaned over Tsukishia’s shoulders. He lightly inhaled the smell of Tsukishima’s cologne as he drew closer. He almost asked him where he bought it but figured it would be creepy to ask. He exhaled softly against the blond, his hot breath fanning over the sides of face. He jumped when Tsukishima suddenly pulled away, looking extremely flustered. “You okay?”

“Yup,” Tsukishima’s voice cracked. Kuroo bit back a laugh as he watched Tsukishima’s face flush. “I’m, um, I’m working on c-carbon dating,”

“Carbon dating?” Kuroo repeated, his voice slightly teasing as he leaned a little closer. 

“Carbon dating,” Tsukishima reaffirmed as he pushed his papers together.

“You know, carbon dating isn’t the only kind of dating we could focus on,” Kuroo winked, enjoying the way the corner of Tsukishima’s lips twitched slightly.

“God, I think I might actually prefer when you just said gibberish to m―” 

“Boo!” A voice yelled out, interrupting Tsukishima’s snarky retort. Kuroo whipped his head towards the sound. He scowled as his eyes landed on a certain group about five tables down. Akaashi was very clearly struggling to hold in his laughter judging by how red his face was behind his trembling hand. Meanwhile Kenma was struggling to hold down Bokuto as the latter continued to jeer at Kuroo. Kuroo immediately pushed away a pile of Tsukishima’s papers to see Akaashi’s phone still lying on the table. 

Tsukishima frowned and turned towards Kuroo, “I don’t understand why they’re booing,” 

“So carbon dating!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looks like things are heating up ;)) if it confused any of you, bokuto was booing kuroo for the lame pick up line ;p anyways thanks for reading! comments and thoughts are always appreciated, i try to respond to everyone! i hope you enjoyed!


	4. lol nerds (literally)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys it's been forever!! i swear i've been working hard on all the fics! school's starting up so i've been a little busy but i haven't forgotten! i changed the tag just bc i say some explicit stuff or cursing so sorry everyone!
> 
> also sorry if i made any obvious mistakes, just message me when you see one! anyways this is the first chapter with no cafeteria scene! surprise! enjoy reading!

“You guys should have seen it, it was glorious,” Kuroo exclaimed as he paced across Kenma’s room, pulling at locks of his hair.

“We don’t need to, you’ve told us this story _ten_ times,” Kenma groaned as he pulled a blanket over his head.

“His hair was so golden, I swear Rumplestiltskin spun it himself,” Bokuto clasped his hands together and batted his eyes mockingly.

“God, when you look at him just right, his eyes turn into pools of amber and I wish I could be the insect that would be preserved in it,” Kenma added on, his voice sounding sickeningly sweet as he mimicked Kuroo.

“He has the cutest habit of biting the corner of his lip when he’s telling me to shut up,” Akaashi deadpanned as he held up a hand to his forehead. 

“Shut up!” Kuroo huffed at all of them, turning his back towards the boys. “If I had to choose between Tsukishima and you guys, I’d be long gone by now,” 

“By all means, leave,” Kenma pointed to the door with one of his fake swords. It was one of the smaller ones from an indie game that came out about two years ago. The fake jewel glinted under the fluorescent lights as he waved it around. 

“You’d miss me too much Kitten,” Kuroo made obnoxious kissy noises at Kenma, eliciting a disgusted look from the younger boy. “Besides Sawamura is coming over to grab the movie he left behind,”

“Sawamura?” Bokuto repeated as he furrowed his eyebrows, “Ah! Old Man Thighchi?”

“I mean...it’s not one of his official titles,” Kuroo cracked a wry smile, “But I’m betting that we’re talking about the same person,”

“No, that’s what Hinata used to call him,” Kenma mused before snapping his fingers together, “Oh! He went to high school with him,”  
  
“Meaning he went to high school with Tsukki...shima, ahem, Tsukishima?” Kuroo asked excitedly.

“Yup,” Kenma replied drily, sending Kuroo an exasperated look which he promptly ignored.

“Remember the cover story everyone, _we_ didn’t scratch it―” Akaashi lifted his pointer finger in the air. 

“Kenma did,” Kuroo and Bokuto finished while Akaashi nodded in approval.

“Um?! No,” Kenma sat up, looking at the three of them incredulously.

“Sawamura won’t get mad at you though, you’re like a little brother to him,” Bokuto pouted, batting his puppy dog eyes at Kenma. It clearly didn’t work—in fact, Kenma’s eyes narrow into even thinner slits with every flutter.

“No way!”

“Why not?” 

“‘Cause I know that he’s just going to look at me with those―those big, baleful eyes,” Kenma emphasized with sweeping gestures, “I didn’t know how a grown man could sob without ever shedding a tear and I don’t want to ever see it again!” 

Kuroo huffed and hardened his eyes. Kenma returned the stare, ten times colder that Kuroo could ever imagine. Kuroo threw his hands up in the air while former setter smugly grinned back. He gave one last look back, only to lean towards Bokuto.

“Listen I’m going to throw Akaashi under the bus, you can either honk the horn or become a speed bump with him,” He hissed, making sure to keep his voice low enough that Akaashi can’t eavesdrop.

“What?! Really? You want to blame Akaashi?” Bokuto whispered back, the distress on his face clearly evident. “He’s way worse than Sawamura,”

“That’s because he never treats you like me,” Kuroo scowled, “He only called me ‘Pain-in-the-ass Kuroo-san’ for the entirety of his first year,”

“I mean he added the -san,” Bokuto shrugged and turned to Akaashi who was sipping on his drink, “Hey Akaashi, do you like me more than Kuroo?” The question completely took the former setter by surprise, forcing him to pound on his chest frantically. Akaashi sucked in way too much water for his mouth to hold. With his luck, it flew down the wrong tube before finally spewing out. It practically made a fairly big puddle on the floor in front of him, slowly seeping into the fabric of the carpet.

“No! I like you the normal amount, like ordinary, here’s a new word for you: quotidian,” Akaashi rambled, “Quotidian, Q-U-O-T-I-D-I-A-N, Quotidian. It means: ordinary or everyday, especially when mundane,”

“Okay chill, this isn’t a spelling bee,” Kuroo laughed, yelping as he dodged a flying action figure. Kenma’s face drained when he recognized the soaring object.

“It’s limited _fucking_ edition,” Kenma howled as he jumped after it, desperate to get it before it hit the floor. Kuroo’s blood ran cold, having flashbacks of the last time something like that happened. He also dove for it, only to crash right into Kenma’s tiny body, causing both of them to miss. “No!” 

“No it’s fine,” Kuroo soothed frantically, reaching out to grab it. He was right, it was completely fine. He turned to Kenma to show it to him, only to see a dark shadow looming over his splayed out body. In Kenma’s tiny, frail hands, was a life size version of Aatrox’s sword. “Ken that’s taller than you,”

“Funny, cause I can swing it just fine,” Kenma smiled sadistically, waving the blade around. 

“Wait it’s not even broken!” Kuroo cried out as he swung his arm up. His palms were so sweaty, the toy flew right out of his hands. Kuroo’s mouth gaped in horror as it slammed against the wall. The head popped right off. “Oh crap!”

“Hey Kuroo, remind me, do you have 42,421.40 yen lying around?” Kenma recited to the _decimal_ , his eyes narrowing into tiny slits at Kuroo.

“I um,” Kuroo squeaked, pulling at the collar of his shirt, “Bokuto’s touching it!” Kuroo screeched. Kenma whipped around, his blade nearly decapitating Akaashi as he spun to look at Bokuto. The older boy froze in his place, in one hand was glue and the other was the remains of the doll.

“I was just trying to help!” Bokuto squealed as he brandished the glue tube. His cheeks turned a bright shade of pink as he tried to appease him. Kenma’s face softened and glanced over at Kuroo who sighed in defeat.

“Yeah no, that’s pretty cute,” Kuroo waved his hands exasperatedly. Kenma turned towards Akaashi who was too busy staring at Bokuto who didn’t even notice; he was way too invested in trying to squeeze the glue onto the doll.

“Let’s just watch him struggle for a bit,” Kenma said to no one, his sword leaning against him as the three of them watched. 

“Wow,” Akaashi commented, “He’s not doing that bad,”

“It’s literally just glue, raise your standards Akaashi,” Kuroo deadpanned. 

“No keep them low!” Bokuto lifted his eyes up from the doll to yell at Kuroo, a hint of panic infecting his words, “In fact, why not just make the floor the new bar?”

“Just put the bar where Bo’s dignity is,” Kuroo smirked, eliciting a scandalized look from Bokuto. Bokuto puffed his cheeks childishly and raised the doll above his head. Kuroo’s eyes bulged out of his head, his lips parted with a silent warning. Akaashi, who saw this coming, already latched onto one of Kenma’s shields that he used for cosplay, tucking himself into a ball behind it. 

“Bokuto!” Kenma shouted as Bokuto chucked it, full force, at Kuroo’s head. The doll rang out with a hollow _thud_ against Kuroo’s temple, making Kuroo’s fly backwards. The doll plopped on to the floor, one of its arms popping off from the impact. Kenma let out a whimper as he stared at it mournfully.

He only made it to the first stage of grief when Bokuto’s _very_ bulky, _very_ heavy body dove to Kuroo. 

Kenma watched in slow motion as Bokuto’s pec bounced on the floor, obscuring his view of the toy. Bokuto cried out, the pain similar to someone stepping on LEGOS. When he lifted his body up, Kenma moved on to the second stage of grief. His eyes were trained on the shattered remnants of his expensive, collector’s edition, action figure. 

“Bokuto I’m going to pull a Jack the Ripper, give me your titties!”

“No! They’re all I have!”

“Correction, they’re all you _used_ to have!” The sword swung through the air with a ghostly echo, rippling as he slashed the air. Bokuto was lucky that all his years playing volleyball gave him fast reflexes, but Kenma had years of sword gameplay up his sleeve. He jolted backwards when Kenma jabbed at him, the blade precariously _twanging_ on the side of him. 

“Akaashi!” Bokuto screamed as he ducked and rolled, slamming himself onto the side of Kenma’s bookshelf. It teetered for a moment, all the boys held their breaths as they waited for the next movement.

Luckily nothing happened and Kenma resumed his reign of terror. Akaashi ignored the shrill shrieks from the two boys, content with his simple shield and a stale potato chip from Kenma’s late night gaming. He grabbed a tissue and wiped the oil from his fingers. 

“Ooo!” Akaashi cooed as he reached over to grab a penny. A hand shot out and grasped on his wrist. With the shield obscuring his view, he never saw it coming. A scream passed through his lips and he instinctively punched the hand away, the _me vs. we_ mentality quickly overriding his thoughts. He mentally apologized as the hand was dragged away, disappearing from sight. He looked at his treasure and frowned. 

A penny, a tissue, and a potato chip...he’d seen this before. He laughed out loud and talked to himself over the sound of Kenma’s cackling. 

“Take it away penny!” 

“Holy shit, I think you broke Akaashi!” A familiar voice howled from the door, their voice being cut up by fervent gasping. Everyone froze and whipped their heads towards the door. Of course, who else would be there but Tsukishima?

He was bent over with laughter, leaning against the doorway for much needed support. Even with the humiliation coursing through their veins, none of them moved from their spots. Kenma was still wielding the sword, immediately dropping it to the floor in surprise. He was standing over Kuroo’s limp body, his free hand clutching a bundle of Kuroo’s shirt to lift his friend up. He’d been in the middle of holding the sword to Kuroo’s neck when Tsukishima interrupted them; the imprint of the metal was still visible on his neck. 

Bokuto was in the middle of creating his ultimate hiding spot. He’d gathered other figurines from Kenma’s shelves, setting them up like miniature roadblocks along the floor. Bokuto’s other hand was clutching a mace that Kenma had bought from a small business two years ago. The battle cry lodged in his throat was reduced into a mere whimper with Tsukishima’s hysterics. 

Poor Akaashi looked like he was completely detached from reality. He’d been stuck in the turtle formation for a while now, leaving him with a definite sore back tomorrow. Akaashi supposed that he should actually thank Tsukishima for coming in so early. He couldn’t imagine what the blond would say if he actually made the penny “take it away”.

The sound of his laughter rang out through the eerily silent room. No one dared to say anything, still trying to process what had happened. Kuroo mentally made a list of everything that had happened. 

  1. Simp over Tsukki 
  2. Play with Kenma’s toy
  3. Break Kenma’s toy
  4. Watch Bokuto fix said toy
  5. Utterly destroy toy
  6. Apparently summon Tsukishima



Kuroo felt his body fall against the floor as Kenma released his hold on him. Tsukishima finally settled down, breathing heavily as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. 

“Oh my god, he’s never looked prettier,” Kuroo thought as a starstruck expression settled on his face. Tsukishima’s face was a pale pink from all his laughter. His eyes were still twinkling with the ghost of amusement, mirroring the upturned corners of his mouth as he looked at Kuroo.

Kuroo blinked. 

“Holy shit he’s looking at me! Do something cool!” Kuroo’s mind urged him. Kuroo nodded fiercely, promising himself that he would do something amazing.

“Kenma did you actually kill me? Because I think I see an angel at our door,” He breathed out, barely aware of the words that slipped past his lips. The whole room let out a collective groan, Bokuto added a little spice to his complaint when he let out a low “boo!”

Kuroo didn’t even care, he looked at Tsukishima in disbelief when he saw the tips of his ears burn red. Tsukishima averted his eyes and shyly shifted his weight back and forth. Kuroo’s cheeks grew hot and bit his lip, trying his hardest to not smile so goofily at Tsukishima. 

“Cat got your tongue?” He winked playfully, making Tsukishima blush even harder. 

“How the hell is this working?” Akaashi mumbled under his breath, scowling when Kuroo slapped his shin. 

“Hey Kenma-san?” Kenma perked up, looking right at him. Tsukishima’s cute smile quickly turned into a sadistic smirk, “Put the damn sword back on his neck,” To which Kemna happily obliged. A loud gasp quickly stopped all of them in their tracks again. They looked back again at Tsukishima who practically dove towards Kenma, accidentally stepping on Kuroo in the process.

“Ouch!”

“Shut up!” Tsukishima gasped as he grabbed Kenma’s hands. Kuroo narrowed his eyes at his friend, Tsukishima’s back was facing him so he could glare as much as he wanted to. Kenma looked just as confused as everyone else. Nobody spoke when Tsukishima slowly turned over his wrist and grabbed the sword out of his hands. 

“H-hey!”

“Is this Aatrox’s sword?!” Tsukishima cooed as he held it up, “The detail on this is incredible!” Kenma’s eyes widened and Akaashi could see the gears turning in his head. His eyes had a new shine as he looked up at Tsukishima.

“You play League?” Kenma asked incredulously. Tsukishima managed to pry his eyes off of the blade and gave him a smug smile.

“Diamond I!” He smiled as he dropped the sword and held out a hand, “Irelia Main but I’m starting to play Senna,”

“Challenger I,” Kenma took his hand, “I don’t really main, I’m just trying to master everyone,”

“Challenger I?” Tsukishima repeated as they shook hands, a new sense of respect in his voice, “Shit I’ve been trying to get out of Diamond since forever,”

“Oh my god,” Bokuto stage whispered, “He’s a fucking geek,”

“Go wash your jockstrap,” Tsukishima retorted, quickly returning his attention to Kenma. “Wait come to my room,” Kenma looked over at Kuroo and for once, _he_ had a sly smirk.

“Gladly,” Tsukishima laced their hands together and pulled him out of the room. Kuroo grunted as Kenma’s foot jabbed the side of his ribs as he passed, leaving them just as fast as he had shown up. The rest of the three were left in silence, still trying to figure out what just happened. 

“Huh?” Kuroo muttered as he looked at Akaashi. 

“I think your bestie might have stolen your boyfriend,” Akaashi failed to stifle his laughter.

“No he hasn’t!” Kuroo pouted, getting up and dusting himself off. “How did a guy who exclusively eats jalapeno cheetos and drinks orange gatorade beat me?”

“Not even the blue gatorade either,” Bokuto feigned sympathy, “When will the torment end?” Kuroo opened his mouth to complain more when the door suddenly swung open. A blond head popped through, the light from outside reflecting off his glasses as he looked around. 

“Ah! I forgot to grab Daichi’s DVD,” He exclaimed as he reached for the case resting on the desk. 

“Wait!” Kuroo jumped forwards, grabbing onto Tsukishima’s wrist. His fingers wrapped around his wrist; the calluses on his hands feeling rough against Tsukishima’s smooth skin. He was surprisingly warm, considering how strong the air conditioner was that day. “Um, so _something_ may have happened to it,”

Kuroo scratched the back of his head with his free hand, slightly confused when he didn’t receive a response. He looked up and saw the dazed look in Tsukishima’s eyes, still zoned in on where their hands were joined. He cleared his throat and Tsukishima snapped back to reality. 

“I’ll, ahem, I’ll,” Tsukishima’s voice cracked like he regressed to his prepubescent self. Bokuto had to smother his laughter with a series of coughs...which turned into him actually hacking up a lung. Tsukishima’s face burned red and he snatched his hand away, smacking Kuroo with the DVD as he did so. “Kenma-san did it!”

“I didn’t do shit!” Kenma’s voice was faint with the distance. Kuroo ignored his best friend and gave Tsukishima his most charming smile.

“Kenma did it,” Kuroo winked. Tsukishima rolled his eyes and waved the DVD in his face, swiftly leaving. 

“Holy shit,” Akaashi said as soon as they were sure he left, “No offense to him but we can't even play limbo with _his_ bar,” Bokuto cackled at the joke as he got up and started cleaning up their mess. Kuroo’s mind was still reeling as he vacantly picked up all the discarded items. He opened his mouth to make a comment when his phone vibrated. 

_(From: Ken Ken): look what he has *image attached*_

Kuroo clicked on the image attached and saw a replica weapon of Jinx’s Fishbones gun.

_(To: Ken Ken): Looks sick!!!!!!! :)_

Kuroo was about to put down his phone when he got another text

_(From: Ken Ken): looks even better with the cosplay *image attached*_

“Kaashi! Get him a napkin! His nose is bleeding!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i did make a spongebob reference, my humor is shit at this point :p i actually have no knowledge of LoL so no one come for me haha
> 
> anyways i hope you enjoyed the update! if any of you are interested, i also wrote a [sunatsukki hanahaki fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26041552) :) till next time! stay safe <3

**Author's Note:**

> hey hey! come talk to me about the tsukki harem agenda on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/sunaschuupet)


End file.
